oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
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Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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