we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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