How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
not ubering you a puppy
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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