I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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