I'm really into asian looking animals
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize