Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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