WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
