I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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