i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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