I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize