I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize