i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize