so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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