I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
