WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize