Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize