just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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