I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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