The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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