I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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