Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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