he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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