Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
