My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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