Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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