Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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