Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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