if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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