Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You made out with two different species that night
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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