So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize