he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
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sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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