It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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