This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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