she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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