Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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