I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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