get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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