Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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