I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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