even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
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Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
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nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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