I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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