a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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