Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
