You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize