Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
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Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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