id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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