420 ftw
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize