Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
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I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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