Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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