I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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