It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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