dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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